So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
