Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
