Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
