i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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