my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize