i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
