By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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