that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
