And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
