He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
