I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
