just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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