i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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