hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
