Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
