That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
