Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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