I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
