buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
