Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
