Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
