i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
