I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
