dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Randomize
