dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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