Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize