found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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