Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
