well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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