Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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