He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
