Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
