Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
