Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
