it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We need a shit load of segways right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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