Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
