I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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