I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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