So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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