ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
