accomplished twins. life is a go
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
