Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
