this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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