farters have to be the big spoon...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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