I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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