Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
