Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
