I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
