haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
