Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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