I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
