Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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