You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
