I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
