Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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