Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
