I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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