Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
