You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize