you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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