Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
