The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
