Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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