Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
