Even water is tasting like jack daniels
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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