i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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