put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
