It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
