I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
