i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
