She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
