you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
tell me about the fingering
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
