Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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